They say the second best moment in a man's life is when he buys his boat and the best is when he sells it. I still have my ski boat (haven't got it out yet). I've had worst and best moments lately but first place this week goes to having my catheter out. There was some foreshadowing going on when the nurse on Monday told me to start taking shallow rapid breaths and I thought I was back in Lamaze training when she whipped it out on the second breath. As usual you get the vaguest idea of what'll happen next - "you'll be able to get your continence back over the next 4-6 weeks." What's the slope of the curve, y'all? For me it's been surprisingly fast, just 4 days later and it's pretty good! I do feel like an honorary woman, going from labor and delivery of a catheter (didn't take the baby home) to now having periods. Bear in mind I had 2 brothers and no sisters and was spared the sex talk with my daughter and step-daughter and somehow I didn't know the difference between absorbant, superabsorbant, light, heavy pads. Is a 3 pad day a light day or a heavy day? Being sure to wear dark clothes in case of a leak. So I experience Lamaze breathing, periods and now post-menopausal stress incontinence. I always knew I laughed a lot but never felt it in my pants. So I tell people not to tell me jokes, squeeze before I sneeze and am more serious. Well, a little. Wednesday was a washout (literally) due to nurse Jamie's presence, starting with her telling how she set off the burglar alarm and it went downhill from there. How she posed her first deceased patient as a nurse who "graduated fifteen minutes ago" sitting up all pretty in the bed. "How was I to know how fast rigor mortis sets up" and her supervisor yelling, "Who's the M-F who did this?" She had to lay on top of the old lady for the funeral home to get her coffin-ready. All day long Jamie stories and I'm wetting my pants. I gave up by 10am. It was worth it. Don't even get me started on diapers. But I'm alive and having that damn catheter out after 2 weeks has started a new round of gratitude.
It's funny how everyone I talk to who has survived cancer has come out with a new attitude. The tribal shaman or medicine man/woman in many cases survived a life-threatening illness, connected him or her with Spirit in way that those who haven't been through that ordeal wouldn't understand. I get it.
